THE ONLY VALENTINE I WILL WRITE THIS YEAR

All you lovers, misfits, losers, morose midnight self-medicated singers of "Downtown Train"... All you scrappers and quitters and once-more-with-feelingers... And most of all, every one of you this-is-the-last-straw-I-just-don't-know-what-to-doers. I love every one of you magnificent bastards, even when you kill yourselves because you can't endure the one impossible thing. And I forgive you for that. But mostly, I hope you didn't regret pulling the trigger, because that would suck, wouldn't it? Happy Valentine's Day. STICK AROUND, IT JUST MIGHT ACTUALLY GET BETTER.

--Michael M. Butler, aka "Nortius Maximus"

PS: Try not to eat any more of this if you've had enough, OK?